


counting the steps to the door of your heart

by lxrna_polaris



Category: Lost
Genre: F/F, M/M, Mutual Pining, charlie lives au, they're all really stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-06-30 10:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19851451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxrna_polaris/pseuds/lxrna_polaris
Summary: Charlie survives the season 3 finale, and gets left behind with Claire when the oceanic six go home. Kate and Hurley go back to find them, you know how it goes.





	1. Chapter 1

Charlie put his hand to the glass, gazing at Desmond as the water rose. This was it. He knew that. He had since they’d left the shore. Since before that, even. It had felt the most real when he’d said goodbye to Hurley. It had been painful. But he’d known. He’d had time to think it over. Time to get rid of the fear. 

But he hadn’t been able to. 

Getting beaten up by the two others, and interrogated, that had been easy. He was a dead man walking. All of it had been easy. He had nothing to lose. He had thought that drowning would be no different than that. No different than the strange sense of calm fearlessness he’d had since they’d left. But no, as soon as the glass had broken, he’d been afraid. He’d been afraid as water began flooding the room. He’d been afraid when he’d shut himself in. He’d been afraid when he was writing on his hand. 

Now, looking at Desmond who was crying about Penny, Charlie was terrified. 

He was holding onto the last bit of air in his lungs, trying to stay alive for just another second. He knew it wasn't worth it. He should just give up. His vision was starting to fade, but he saw Desmond turn and run. He’d done it. He’d served his purpose. Charlie closed his eyes. 

Even now though, he was forcing himself to try and relax, but it wasn’t working. He was panicking, even with his consciousness fading. He couldn’t take another second of the horrible feeling of not breathing. 

Charlie needed to live. He had reasons. He had to look after Claire and Aaron. He had to see Hurley again. He had never told Hurley how he felt. He’d said it, but he’d never  _ said _ it. Those were good enough reasons, right? 

Charlie didn’t have a moment to lose. He leapt into action, squeezing through the shattered window. The jagged glass remaining sliced his hands, his sides, his legs. It didn’t matter. Charlie Pace was going to live. 

He kicked to the surface and gasped his first breath of air in what felt like a lifetime. He coughed and sputtered and thrashed to keep himself up, his eyes raking the ocean for a sign of Desmond and the boat. 

“Des!” he gasped. His voice was too ragged, too weak. “Des, I’m alive! Desmond!” 

He spotted the boat, much too far away for Desmond to hear him. 

“Des…” Charlie coughed. He had to get to shore. 

Charlie had never been a good swimmer. He was exhausted, and weak from blood loss. He swam for hours, making very little progress. 

By the time Charlie finally dragged himself onto the beach, it was nearly dawn. He collapsed in the sand, gasping. The beach was empty. They were gone to the signal tower, he assumed. He hoped Desmond got there in time. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's claire content time. also sorry these chapters are so short! there's a ton of them and i'll post one every week day

“He’s dead,” Hurley choked. 

“No,” Claire whispered. He couldn’t be. Not Charlie. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that. 

But Hurley nodded and threw his arms around her, sobbing into her shoulder. 

Claire knew it was true, but she didn’t want to believe it. Charlie was her best friend. He had been ever since they’d crashed. He had been so present in her life. In Aaron’s life. He couldn’t just be gone. What would she do? Who would care about her the way Charlie had? And who would she direct all of  _ her _ care to, besides Aaron? 

Kate, she guessed. But Kate and Charlie were two very different things. Charlie was  _ Charlie _ . He was silly, and sweet, and they might’ve been almost dating, but that had never been right. And Kate… Kate was  _ Kate _ . She was so strong, and beautiful, and amazing. Things were so different with Kate. Claire  _ liked _ Kate. In a very different way than she liked Charlie. Even if she sort of was, she would never really want to be with Charlie. 

Claire let the conversation around her fade out as she thought about it all. All the memories. Every kind thing Charlie had ever done for her and Aaron. 

The next weeks passed like a horrible dream. Everyone split up. Claire herself went with Locke and Hurley, rather than Jack. 

She missed Kate, and found herself being lonely in her new house. Hurley and Sawyer came over enough, but she wished she had Kate to hold her close, or Charlie to make her laugh. Oddly enough, after not too long, Kate did show up. 

“I didn’t think you’d leave Jack,” Claire admitted, after they’d hugged and Kate explained that she wanted to stay. 

“Well,” Kate smiled. “I couldn’t leave  _ you _ .” She kissed Aaron’s head and then her eyes flicked back up to Claire. 

Kate straightened up and her smile changed into something softer. 

“I’m glad you came back for me,” Claire said. 

“I’ll always come back for you,” Kate replied. “I won’t leave you, Claire.” 

“Thanks,” Claire tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, turning her face away and ducking her head down to hide her flushed cheeks. 


	3. Chapter 3

Charlie had been able to get to the jungle, and had been walking around aimlessly for weeks, trying to find someone. Anyone. 

Finally he just gave up and headed back to the beach. It only took a day or so before he stumbled onto the sand and dropped to his knees. He was still exhausted. Still weak from his untreated cuts. 

“Charlie!” he heard feet pounding against the sand. Charlie smiled. He’d done it. 

“I thought you died! Hurley told us that you died,” it was Jack’s voice. Charlie looked up and smiled at him. 

“I nearly did,” Charlie smiled. “Desmond told you, right?” 

“Yeah but… we’re too close, Charlie. Locke and some other people like Hurley and Claire believed you. They went to the barracks,” Jack explained. Of course Jack hadn’t listened. 

“Who’s left here?” Charlie asked, hoping Jack noticed how angry he was. “Not anyone smart, I hope. It would be a shame to lose anyone of value.” 

“Charlie,” Jack sighed. “Go if you want. You can’t change my mind. I’m getting off this island.” 

“Maybe we’re not supposed to, mate. You ever thought of that? In fact, it’s almost like the island doesn’t want to let us go,” Charlie was just trying to guilt Jack. He didn’t really believe all Locke’s mumbo jumbo about the spirit of the island. 

“You sound like Locke,” Jack snorted. 

“Well I’d rather sound like Locke than die because I’m too stubborn to listen,” Charlie scowled. “In fact, Jack, I think I’m going to the barracks right now.” 

“No way, Charlie. You need to rest. You can leave in the morning,” Jack helped Charlie to his feet and walked him over to the camp on the beach. 

“Des went with Claire and Hurley, right?” Charlie asked. 

“Actually,” Jack scratched the back of his head. “He’s on the freighter.” 

“Terrific,” Charlie scowled. 

He spent the next few days resting. It was miserable. He had to see Claire and Hurley and little Aaron. But Jack kept telling him he wasn’t ready. He was starting to think that Jack would never let him leave, so one night Charlie decided he’d had enough. He slipped out of his tent and looked around to see if there was anyone who might see him. 

The only person he had to explain himself to was Jin, and he reasoned that Jin didn’t understand a word he was saying anyway. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's getting dramatic ://///

“Claire?” Kate closed the door as she walked inside. Claire was awake, sitting on the couch. Kate wasn’t looking forward to explaining her banishment. 

“Hey Kate,” Claire sniffed. 

“Is Aaron asleep?”

“Out like a light,” Claire smiled. 

“You okay?” Kate sat down next to her, wiping a tear from Claire’s cheek with her thumb. Claire had always been fragile, but was more so now that Charlie was gone. Kate understood loving someone who couldn’t love you back. It was worse for Claire, because Charlie was dead. But it still hurt for Kate to know that Claire would never love her. Would never even  _ know _ how Kate felt. 

“Yeah,” Claire shook her head. “I just…” she leaned her head into Kate’s shoulder. “I miss him so much.” 

“I know,” Kate wrapped her arms around Claire’s shaking shoulders. “Claire…” 

Claire sat back to look at Kate. She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said. 

“Listen, Claire,” Kate felt herself getting choked up. “I— Locke told me I have to—”

Claire’s shoulders drooped, and her chin trembled. “You’re leaving, aren’t you?” 

“I’m sorry,” Kate put a hand to the side of Claire’s face. “I’ll come back. I promise.”

“But…” 

“Claire,” Kate knew she had to say it. She had to, or she might never be able to. “I know that you don’t feel this way, but I… I love you. I know it will never happen, but I always wanted…” Kate wiped her eyes. “Give Aaron a kiss goodnight for me, okay?” 

“Every night,” Claire nodded. “Kate, I’m not in love with him. I never was.” 

“What? But you were… I don’t understand what you’re saying Claire, I—” Kate was cut off as Claire leaned forward and kissed her. 

When Claire pulled back, she was crying again. “Promise me you’ll come back soon, Kate.” 

“I’ll be back before you know I’m gone,” Kate kissed her again. “Goodbye, Claire.” 

“I’ll see you soon,” Claire wiped her eyes. Kate smiled through her tears. 

“Of course,” she said. 


	5. Chapter 5

Hurley stared at the wall, thinking about Charlie. He’d said he loved Hurley. And Hurley had almost said it back. Well, he had, but not really. He had it all thought out, what he was going to say. But at the last second he’d chickened out and he’d replied to Charlie so dismissively. 

Of course, Charlie hadn’t meant it that way. He’d probably have thought Hurley was joking, or worse, he’d have gotten all uncomfortable. 

Either way, Hurley was reading into it. It was pointless, and thinking about it was only hurting him. Hurley sighed. 

“You okay?” he heard Sawyer say from next to him. 

“Huh? Yeah, yeah. I’m fine,” Hurley nodded. “Is it my turn?” 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it, Hugo. He wouldn’t want you to,” Sawyer replied. 

“He knew,” Hurley stated. He felt like someone had to know. 

“What?” 

“He knew, dude,” Hurley repeated. “He knew he was gonna die, or else he wouldn’t have said he—” 

“Hugo, stop,” Sawyer scolded. 

“You know he said he loved me? That was his goodbye. And I thought he was just being Charlie, and being crazy dramatic, but he wasn’t. And I didn’t even really get to say it back because I didn’t know I’d never see him again,” Hurley scrunched up his mouth and blinked a few times. 

“You gotta stop finding ways to blame yourself,” Sawyer said, but he wasn't looking at Hurley. He was staring past him out the window. “You just have to let…” 

“Dude, what is it?” 

“Holy shit,” Sawyer murmured. “Pal, you probably wanna look out the window right about now.” 

Hurley turned and caught his breath. He was imagining it. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d imagined someone into existence. 

But even if it was fake… there he was. Charlie was walking into the little town, grinning like a maniac. 

“Go on, big guy,” Sawyer said. “You got something to say to him, don’t you?” 

“You can see him?” Hurley asked, just to be sure. 

“What do you mean? Of course I can see him,” Sawyer furrowed his brows. “Now get out there!” 

Hurley got up and ran outside. 

“Charlie!” he exclaimed as he ran over. “Desmond said you were dead!” 

As Hurley reached him, Charlie reached out a hand and let his fingers brush against Hurley’s cheek. He brushed Hurley’s hair back behind his shoulder and let his hand rest on the back of Hurley’s neck. Hurley had sort of seized up and was just standing there. 

Charlie had a faint smile on his face as he stared at Hurley. The moment seemed to last forever before Charlie’s smile grew into his signature crooked grin and he pulled Hurley into a hug. 

Hurley held onto him as tight as he could. “Dude,” he said. “I missed you.” 

“I thought I would never see you again,” Charlie murmured, running a hand through Hurley’s hair. 

“Hey, what are we doing?” Hurley backed up, holding Charlie’s shoulders and sort of shaking him. “We’ve gotta tell Claire!” 

“Yeah, is she alright?” Charlie’s face lit up. 

“Sure she is! Let’s go, dude,” Hurley dragged him over to Claire’s house and pounded on the door. It took a minute before Claire opened it, cradling Aaron in her arms. She looked sad, until her eyes fell on Charlie. 

“Hey Claire,” he said. “I’m back.” 

“Charlie!” she pulled him into a hug, not too tight because of Aaron. “Oh my god, they said you were dead. I thought you were dead!” 

“Yeah…” Charlie scratched the back of his neck. “A grenade can’t get rid of me. Poor old cyclops just blew himself up.” 

“Desmond said you drowned,” Hurley said. He felt bad for interrupting the moment, but he hadn’t heard anything about a grenade. 

“Yeah. That was after the grenade,” Charlie replied. He seemed very pleased to have survived, and Hurley reasoned that he’d be bragging about it for the next few years. He didn’t know why he assumed that they’d still be on the island in years, but the thought of leaving seemed unreal to Hurley. 

“What a hero you are,” Claire giggled. “You hear that Aaron? Uncle Charlie’s a hero!” 

“You guys are so sweet,” Hurley sighed, feeling like he’d better leave so as not to bother them. He hated being a third wheel. It happened a lot, because of Charlie and Claire. It was weird. Even when they weren’t both there, or even talking about each other, Hurley felt like he was intruding. It was probably just the guilt of being in love with a taken guy. 

Charlie glanced at Hurley and flashed him a grin before turning back to Claire. 

“How’s he been?” he asked, petting Aaron’s bald little head. Hurley thought it was adorable, how Charlie’s face lit up when he was spending time with Aaron. 

“Good,” Claire smiled. “He’s been sleeping through the night. And Kate’s really good with him.  _ Was _ . Sorry,  _ was _ really good with him,” she shook her head and looked at the ground. 

“Is she dead?” Charlie asked, horrified. “What happened to Kate?” 

“Locke banished her. She’s going back to the beach,” Claire said. 

“Oh,” Charlie took Claire’s free hand. “I can talk to him if you’d like.” 

Hurley frowned. 

“I really am glad you’re back,” Claire smiled. She leaned forward and gave Charlie a peck. As soon as their lips made contact, they both sort of backed out of the kiss. They did every time. It was the only time their relationship ever seemed strained. 

Charlie smiled a very forced looking smile. 

“Well, I’m gonna go back inside. I’ll see you guys later,” Hurley cleared his throat. He patted Charlie on the shoulder and turned to walk away. 


	6. Chapter 6

Charlie sat in Claire’s house, looking around at the pleasant decor. She’d been acting weird. He was uncomfortable, but he didn’t want to ask what was wrong, in case it was something he’d done. 

“You okay?” He finally forced himself to ask. 

Claire, who’d been staring at the floor, looked up abruptly. “Um… can we talk?” 

“Aren’t we?” Charlie raised his eyebrow. 

“Aaron’s asleep. Do you mind if we go for a walk?” Claire asked. She sounded too nervous for it to not bother Charlie. 

He agreed and let her lead him to what she deemed a good enough place to talk. It was an old swing set, with a beautiful view of the sky, which had grown dark and flooded with stars. Charlie sat down on one of the swings, and after a moment, so did Claire.

“Charlie…” she began. “I kissed someone, while you were gone. While I thought you were dead.” 

“Oh,” Charlie raised his eyebrows. He didn’t know if he should act surprised, or angry, or fine with it. 

“Are you mad?” 

“No. Should I be?” 

“I don’t… it’s just that we’re kind of… we’re kind of a thing. I thought you might be upset,” Claire fiddled with her hands. 

“No,” Charlie shrugged. “Firstly, you thought I was dead. Second… I just want you to be happy. If someone else can help you do that better than I can, go for it.” 

“You’re taking this really well,” Claire still looked nervous. 

Charlie didn’t really know what to say. He supposed he had a few options. He could act, and tell her that he was in love with her but it was fine. He could say nothing. Or… he could tell her the truth. That he didn’t care because he was in love with Hurley. 

“Who was it?” he asked instead. 

“Um…” Claire glanced around frantically. “Kate.” 

“Kate?” Charlie asked. “Are you gay?” Then he realized that since she probably thought he was straight, that was a creepy question. 

Claire didn’t respond, but her chin trembled. 

“I mean, I am,” he said. As soon as he said it, he froze. What if she freaked out? What if she actually liked him, and she got angry?

“What?” Claire looked over at him. 

“I’m gay. I— I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he tried to slow down his heartbeat by breathing less frequently, but it reminded him of drowning and he decided he’d rather let his heart race. 

“It’s okay. I didn’t tell you either,” Claire sniffed and took his hand. “So we don’t ever have to kiss again, right?” 

“Thank god,” Charlie joked. “I don’t think I could take it.” 

“Shut up,” Claire giggled. “Well?” 

“Well?” Charlie raised his eyebrows. 

“Do you like someone?” she asked. 

“No,” Charlie lied. 

“You’re blushing!” Claire cackled. 

“Am not!” Charlie scowled, feeling that his hand was getting very sweaty in Claire’s. “Don’t suppose I have to ask who you like.” 

“Oh, stop it! You have to tell me now!” Claire exclaimed. “Come on, Please?” She dragged out the ‘please’ until Charlie couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Fine! It’s Hurley,” Charlie caved. He figured that if anyone deserved to know, it was Claire. Maybe she could help him figure out how to tell Hurley, since she’d kissed Kate. She must know. 

“Oh, of course!” Claire slapped her forehead. “No wonder.” 

“Oh, quiet, you!” Charlie rolled his eyes. They night wasn’t so tense anymore. 

“So have you two ever…” 

Charlie had been wrong, the night was still tense. “ _ Claire!” _ he exclaimed, his voice cracking. “ _ No!” _

Claire raised her eyebrows and smirked. 

They spent the rest of the night talking about Kate mostly, about what would happen when she got back. They also reasoned that it was best if they didn’t announce to the world that they were both capital G gay, what with Sawyer living in the barracks. 


End file.
